Oooo!!! my bleedin' (Quite literally) farmers

What is it about getting old that makes me mad?
First of all it’s not being able to stand up, sit down, climb up, climb down, lift or push anything without letting out an audible groan. Everything aches these days.
I'm scared to go to the Dr's because every time I go they find something else wrong, that can only be alleviated by taking a handful of pills everyday. Blood pressure and cholesterol tablets make me retain water and make my legs swell up so that I am developing 'Cankles', so the quack prescribed diuretic tablets which make me keep going for a wee every 5mins and dehydrate me.

Fancy a Fisting?

The side affects of the dehydration means that my skin gets dry and flaky if I don't moisturise, which I don't because I am a geezer Grrr!!!, And, I do apologise in advance, if I don't eat enough soluble fibre and drink enough water I get the worst constipation. Honestly sometimes it's like shitting a brick. There are teeth marks in the bog roll and in my toilet door. Trouble is it comes and goes. That's because I don't eat / drink properly until the old 'Farmer Giles' start playing up and once they clear up, I eventually start eating crap again and that starts the cycle all over again. At the moment I feel like I've been fingered by Freddy Kruger or fisted by that bloke out of Rollerball. Ouch!!!

Bloody Soap Dodgers

Poo! what a pong!

What is it that certain members of the community have against personal hygiene. Can someone please explain to me why some cultures refuse to wear anti-perspirant or deodorant and instead wear their stink with pride. Now I know that experiments have been carried out with sweat and pheromones etc and some scents have been found to have an erotic effect on the opposite sex. I understand that. But believe me there is nothing erotic about an armpit that smells like a marathon runners arse crack. Honestly I have been on a bus, train or tube in the summer sometimes and the bloody place smells like a damned cattle truck. Please, you dirty soap dodgers take note. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. When you get up in the morning wash the stank from under your armpits with hot soapy water, dry with a clean towel and apply deodorant, anti-perspirant, disinfectant, bleach, drain cleaner, anything or if that is too difficult for you then please STOP USING PUBLIC TRANSPORT. We don't want to you smelly, anti-social bodies anywhere near us. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. That is what makes me mad. Aaarrrggghhh!!

Bloody litter bugs

Put your sh*t in the bin!

What is it with people these days? There are plenty of litter bins supplied by local councils located along our streets. Most bus stops have a bin standing nearby. So why do some ignorant people still think that it is ok to just drop their rubbish where they stand. Why is it so much trouble for them to reach over or walk a couple of steps and drop their crap in the bin? Is that too much to ask for? Do they like seeing our streets covered in fag wrappers or crisp packets, cans, cartons, newspapers, you name it,   you can see it blowing in the wind around your ankles. It is not just on the streets and at bus stops. But on buses as well. I have seen a whole cornucopia of filth left on buses. Boxes of chicken bones, half eaten McDonalds, drinks cans, newspapers etc just dumped on the floor or seats. What is wrong with these people? Have they no pride in themselves or respect for others that are going to get on the bus after them? As I've said before every bus stop has at least one bin by it. There is no excuse. It's not just small things chucked out on our streets either I've seen fridges, freezers, mattresses, wardrobes and other items of furniture and household goods just left in the street. JUST BLOODY STOP IT WILL YOU!!! Take your sh*t to the council dump for God sake or phone the council up to have them come and collect it. We don't want to have to pay via our taxes to get your sh*t cleared up. That's another thing taxes!!! Don't get me started on taxes, that can wait for another post. If everyone took responsibility for disposing of their own rubbish in a civilised way what a beautiful city we could be living in. As it is, it LOOKS LIKE STEPTOES BLOODY YARD!!.  That is what makes me mad. Arrrggghhhh!!